Clubs im in:




Orignal by

Snake Oil Salesmen

In order of those that annoy me the most to those that annoy me the least...

Monty Roberts:
YOU...You lying, arrogant sack of shit. You were busted for lying about your family in that craptacular book The Man Who Listens To Horses, and yet you still act like you created "natural horsemanship". How dare you! Not only are you a proven liar, the fact that you and your crew relentlessly drove a mustang over miles and miles is deplorable and cruel. Besides, your fat-ass has no business being on a horse that size in the first place.

I met you years ago at the Kentucky Horse Park where I watched you work with a young colt. Yes, you may have skills, but you highly overestimate yourself and your abilities. When I spoke to you afterwards, your holier-than-thou attitude immediately brought me to the conclusion that you're no different than any other wannabe trainer that slaps a price tag on something that's been taught for hundreds of years.

And yes...I'm the girl who called you a lying asshole to your face at the Equine Affaire in '07. Oh, and stop claiming that the movie The Horse Whisperer was written about you...It's about Buck Brannaman, who also taught Robert Redford how to ride, but also was his stunt double.

Parelli:
Oh my dear sweet God, you people are absolutely USELESS! I've watched your show on RFDTV, and I spend most of the episode screaming at you people for being complete morons. Why don't you actually teach people to RIDE and TRAIN their horses instead of playing your stupid games and wasting their time and money? And for the love of all things holy, just STFU! You and your big-mouthed wife jabber on and on and on until I feel like my ear drums are going to rupture just to take mercy on my brain.

Parelli is a joke. Plain and simple. You don't need to spend thousands of dollars just to learn how to "play" with your horse. I learned that for free with experience and from actually being around them. Since I moved to California, I've have to deal with three horses that were "trained" under Parelli, and these horses were bat-shit insane. And they were supposedly "a high level" in the program. Oh really? Then why doesn't your horse lunge, know basic commands, know basic ground manners, or how to stand still when tacking up or mounting? My horses could do all of this and more before they were even riding age...and I did it without paying a dime.

Oh, and Pat? Shave that fugly mustache.

Craig Cameron
Two things...you're charging a fuckload of money for the same shit everyone else is selling. It's about the horses, not the money. Also, SHUT...UP...My God, you yell so damned much! You're like the Billy Mays of the horse world.

I do love the Extreme Cowboy Race, however.

John Lyons
Just like Cameron, you charge a fuckload of money for the same damned thing.

Clinton Anderson
Admittedly, I like your training methods. They're simple, they make sense, and it's pretty much what I've done for years now. However, you're just as bad as everyone else by slapping a ginormous price tag on the same thing, and it's just not worth it. Your $64.99 rope halter and lead? I can get the same thing at my local tack store for $25.00. Your $30+ handy stick? I bought the same thing at the Equine Affaire for $10. And your expensive as hell Aussie Stock saddles? I can buy a better saddle at a tack store for half of that price. If I want to spend that much on a saddle, I'll have one custom made.

You're also an asshole outside of the arena. You're not doing anything new. Horsemanship's been around since 350 BC. Get over yourself.


"Natural" Horsemanship

I hate this term with a passion. First of all, there is nothing "natural" about putting metal and leather on a horse, keeping them in a stall or pen, teaching them commands, and riding them. It's a prime example of human nature doing what it does best and taking an opportunity when it sees one...and for the most part, the horse benefits from it because they don't have to work nearly as hard to survive as their wild counterparts.

Horsemanship is horsemanship, good or bad. Some methods work better than others; some have completely disappeared or have evolved over time to fit a changing world. But what gets me is how these "natural horsemanship" people think that the methods these trainers come up with is new and sparkly. They aren't. It's been done before, and the only thing they've done differently is charge people an arm, leg, and the blood of their first born for something than a normal trainer could do in less amount of time for a smaller amount of money. But why do people go to them? Because they see a quick fix and flashy products.

There is no quick fix with horses. They are not toys. They are living creatures with thoughts, feelings, and fears and they need to be respected in the same way that YOU expect to be respected. A horse is a horse is a horse. They can't be anything but what they are, and so many people make the mistake of anthropomorphizing them and punishing them for doing what comes naturally. You work WITH their instinct, not against it. Hell, most of the time, it isn't even a problem with the horse...it's a problem with the PERSON.

You want to know how to be a good horse owner? Give them fresh food and water ever day. Groom them. Pet them. Talk to them. Don't ask them to do something that you wouldn't do. Spend time with them. Take care of their teeth and feet. Find a vet and farrier that you can count on. Make sure their living space is clean and free of anything that could harm them. Learn everything you can about them so you can lean how to communicate on their level better. Love them. The relationship that you'll have with a horse is unlike anything else in this world...but only if you take the time. You don't need to spend thousands of dollars on gimmicks because it's completely unnecessary, and in some case, more harmful. Find a trainer that will treat your horse the way the you'd want to be treated, who's confident, quiet, and knowledgeable. Those are the real horseman and women.

It isn't about money or fancy halters or goofy-named methods...It's about you and your horse. It's about doing right by them and understanding that all the expensive training videos and classes in the world can't help a horse if you're lying to yourself about what's "necessary". You can't lie to a horse.

I make a promise to every horse I own...
"From this day on, you are now a part of my herd and my brother/sister. I will protect you from harm, seen or unseen. I will keep your belly full even in the hardest of times. I will speak softly and listen often. I will greet you every morning with a smile, a scratch, and a loving word no matter how I'm feeling inside. I will lead you when you are unsure or lost. I will teach you how to be the best horse you can be, and I will learn from you how to be the best person I can be. I will be patient and kind. And I will love you from the first moment your hooves touch earth to the last."

Liz

Anyways....I dont really have anything else to say so I'll just do this quiz I took from :iconPhantomPhantomstar-wolf7:

[X] - You like cheese.
[ ] - You hate peanuts.
[X] - You agree that this quiz is random.
[X] - You have farted today.
[X] - You have choked on something. (Doritos, and...other stuff...)
[x] - You are a writer.
[ ] - You smoke
[X] - You like to swim.
[ X] - You have farted more than once today.
[X] - You like ice cream.

TOTAL SO FAR = 8

[X] - You have lied more than 10 times.
[ ] - You are an only child.
[X] - You have more than 3 pets.
[X] - You prefer water to other drinks.
[ ] - You are an alcoholic.
[X] - You are under 20 years old.
[ ] - You are over 30 years old.
[ ] - You have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
[ X] - You like jewelery. (horse related stuff.)
[X] - Your favorite music genre is rock.

TOTAL SO FAR = 14

[X ] - You weigh more than 140 lbs.
[X] - You like pirates.
[X] - You like anime.
[ X] - You are a fangirl/fanboy of something.
[] - You take a prescription drug every day.
[ ] - You have a job.
[X] - You live with your parents.
[X] - You like to eat eggs.
[ ] - You have a religion.
[X] - You dress stranger than other people.

TOTAL SO FAR = 21

[ ] - You have had diarrhea in the past 2 weeks. (O.o thats a weird question...no)
[X ] - You have eaten something odd before.
[] - You are bad at math.
[X] - You love electronics.
[X] - Someone/something has pissed you off in the past week.
[X ] - You cuss a lot. (in mai mind)
[ X] - You believe in aliens.
[X] - You play video games.
[] - You have low self-esteem.
[ ] - You carry a purse.

TOTAL SO FAR = 25

[X] - You like flowers.
[ ] - You are bisexual or homosexual.
[ ] - You are a Capricorn or a Scorpio.
[ X] - You have used tarot before.
[X] - You believe in ghosts. (dude...I am a ghost. XD)
[ ] - You think *The-Fun-Group is awesome. you should edit the next three questions because they make no sense.
[X] - You like to play Spot the Hobo.
[ ] - You like waking up early. (NOO!!)
[X] - You talk to yourself. (haha....so what if I do....thats not weird...*shifty eyes* right?!?!)
[X] - You have gotten in/came close to being in a fist fight.

TOTAL SO FAR = 31

[X] - You like fire.
[X ] - You have fainted or passed out before.
[ ] - You have a high school diploma.
[X] - You live in America.
[ ] - You use hand sanitizer a lot.
[X] - You consider yourself a nerd.
[ ] - You have tried chewing tobacco.
[ X] - You are a conspiracy theorist.
[ ] - You sleep in the nude.

TOTAL SO FAR = 36

[X] - You have imagined yourself being famous.
[X] - You own a stuffed animal.
[X] - You like watermelon.
[ ] - You live in Europe.
[ ] - You have a fetish for something.
[X] - You fidget a lot.
[X] - You agree that this quiz has nothing to do with anything.
[ ] - You won't re-post this quiz.
[ ] - You have your own personal computer and don't share one.
[ ] - You have a brother.


TOTAL SO FAR = 41

[X] - You can cook well.
[X] - You like to party.
[X] - You are a bad dancer.
[ ] - You are a professional dancer.
[X] - You have crossed paths with a black cat.
[X] - You have a friend that you think is crazy.
[X] - You have under 10 good, close friends.
[X] - You are anticipating your answer to this quiz.
[X] - You have ran away from something.
[X] - You have watched the movie: "X Men 3".

TOTAL SO FAR = 50

[X] - You like to mix soft drinks together.
[X] - You have done an odd experiment. (lol dont ask..)
[X] - People have stared at you oddly in public.
[X] - Your grandmother(s) are still alive.
[ ] - You have a step-mom or dad.
[X] - You hate to be tagged.
[ ] - You have been a member to dA for under 3 months.
[ ] - You have a dA subscription. (I wish :C)
[X] - Your hair is brown. (O.o psychic...XD)
[X] - You love to eat candy. (hahah CANDY!!)

TOTAL SO FAR = 57

[X] - You have dressed up for Halloween.
[X] - You love cats. (YAY CATS!)
[X] - You have a quirky personality.
[ X] - You are a coffee addict.
[X] - You live near a body of water.
[X] - You have had a toothache.
[X ] - You currently have to go to the bathroom.
[X] - You like reading others' answers to "What would you do?".
[ ] - You are a vegetarian/vegan. (whats a vegan?? meat-eater??)
[X] - You use the term: "Epic Fail".
GRAND TOTAL = 68


0-25 = A spaceship.
26 = Corn.
27 = The Chosen One.
28 = A donkey.
29 = Flashlight.
30 = Weed.
31 = Stalker.
32 = Poodle.
33 = A turd.
34 = Pacifier.
35 = Chili.
36 = A continent.
37 = Bamboo.
38 = A Nissan Skyline.
39 = Pedophile.
40 = A rather large and smelly fish.
41 = Parachute.
42 = Mob of angry sheep.
43 = A clone of yourself.
44 = A mortified chocolate deer antler.
45 = Pincushion.
46 = Toilet seat.
47 = Ninja.
48 = Psycho passion fruit.
49 = Yellow snow.
50 = Flammable.
51 = A poison Easter basket.
52 = A dirty diaper.
53 = Mammary gland.
54 = A moose humping a guardrail.
55 = An illegal immigrant.
56 = Tofu.
57 = Microscopic testicle fuzz. IMA WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?! O.o
58 = Staple gun.
59 = Tail feather.
60 = A white rapper.
61 = A shotgun shell.
62 = Sexy as hell.
63 = A popcorn fart.
64 = A rusty, herpes infected needle.
65 = Fortune cookie.
66 = Barack Obama.
67 = Chinchilla.
68 = Weapon of mass destruction.
69 = An epic failure at everything.
70 = Sweat.
71 = Naughty nymphomaniac.
72 = Bicycle tire.
73 = A semi-proportionate and anonymous fish scale.
74 = The Bubonic Plague.
75 = Turkey.
76 = Amoeba.
77 = A lice-infected hobo.
78 = The ruler of all evil.
79 = Horny toad.
80 = Fairy Godmother.
81 = Tuba.
82 = Anorexic llama capillary.
83 = Moldy snot.
84 = Miley Cyrus wannabe.
85 = Doppelganger.
86 = Future porn star.
87 = Unnatural disaster.
88 = Statistical database.
89 = Genital lice.
90 = Rocket launcher.
91 = Ruby vomit.
92 = Maggot.
93 = Selfish antagonistic poofing cat.
94 = Pudding.
95 = A gravy train.
96 = Santa Claus.
97 = Paris Hilton's big toe.
98 = Decaying insect corpse.
99 = Blood bank.
100 = Freak of nature and humanity



I am A Weapon of mass destruction!!!!!!!!!!!!